literally had 100 drinks last night.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
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