she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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