the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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