Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
