I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
