Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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