Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
