Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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