She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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