That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
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I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
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I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
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