Do you still have your period?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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