I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
