Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
