The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
