Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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