it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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