my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
