I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
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