he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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