Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
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Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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