i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
