My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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