I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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