It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
