I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
