The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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