then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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