apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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