UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
