I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize