Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
