My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
