He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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