I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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