You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
