which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
