life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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