Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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