omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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