I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
