my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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