Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize