HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
