So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
