i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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