yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
