I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
