Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
