exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
