I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
