Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
