We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
