She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
