Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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