I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
