You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
