No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Small penises have feelings too.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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