I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
