if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
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