is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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