i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
