just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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