i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
