yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
