I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
