Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Randomize
