Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
