Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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