Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
