ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
