If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
