My nipple is on Facebook.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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