Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
