So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I could fuck to npr.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize