did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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