Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
