Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
