We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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