She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
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