So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
