I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
