When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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