I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
