New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
