I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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