im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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