I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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