You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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